


Push me away, I will come back

by JenSnow22



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet Ending, Kunimi must be protected, M/M, Major Illness, They love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:15:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25315912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenSnow22/pseuds/JenSnow22
Summary: Kunimi and Kuroo broke up a few months before. Well, they didn't break up, Kunimi dumped him. Now, Kuroo knows why and wants to have a talk with Kunimi about that.
Relationships: Kunimi Akira/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Push me away, I will come back

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fanfic.  
> It's actually a gift for a friend of mine who's an absolute angst addict. My heart broke while I was writing and I was never the same after that.  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy <33

It was so late and he was so tired. The only thing he wanted was to come back home. The last few days had been terribly busy and it wasn’t like he had someone who would brighten his day at work either. He was so done. The raven-haired man couldn't wait for the day when he would leave the company, say goodbye to his coworkers with a bright smile on his face and hopefully never see them again.    
  
He couldn't stand the look in their eyes when they were talking to him anymore. Their eyes filled with faked pity or doubts. He just wanted to be treated normally. Like any other person but apparently that was too difficult for them.    
  
He was tired of seeing his imminent death every time he talked to them.

_ Exhausted _ .   
  
But as much as they annoyed him, he would miss working there. Working had been his only way of forgetting everything. He had drowned himself in work noticing that it was actually a good way to stop thinking about unnecessary things.    
  
However, the fact that he was growing more and more tired as time passed was starting to become a problem as he couldn’t keep up with his company’s pace. That was the actual reason why he was quitting a job he liked. He could deal with his coworkers but he was unable to work as efficiently as he used to.    
  
Wondering what kind of instant ramen he would eat for dinner, Kunimi arrived in front of his apartment. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed someone, he absolutely didn't want to see, standing there on the landing.    
  
Well, saying that he didn't want to see him was a lie. To be perfectly honest, he had craved his presence everyday since they decided to part ways a few months before.    
  
The fact was, he was here. 

_ Why ?  _

Kunimi had done everything he could to make Kuroo hate him.  **Everything** . 

_ So why ? _   
  
Kunimi, at this moment, wanted to run away, to disappear, to forget about everything that happened between them, to forget the day when they decided to go out together, their first kiss, when they broke up, all those painful memories.   
  
_ Damn Kunimi... Get a hold on yourself _ , he pinched his cheeks. Now, wasn’t the time for nostalgia. He had to make him leave by any means.   
  
Kunimi took his keys out of his pocket and walked towards his apartment's door, ignoring Kuroo on purpose. When he was about to put his key in the keyhole, it slipped out of his hand causing a curse to slip out of his mouth.    
  
He was used to this kind of clumsiness but...why now ? A moment when he needed to be strong and unwavering. Not weak and nervous. 

As expected Kuroo picked the keys and handed them to him.    
  
“Akira…” Kuroo tried to draw his attention. 

_ Akira _ . It has been so long since he last heard the other calling his name that way. 

Ages. 

But Kunimi was determined to ignore him no matter what. That would be better for both of them. At least, he wouldn't hurt him more than he already had. The smaller male grabbed his keys and opened the door avoiding any eye contact with Kuroo. 

When he was about to enter his place, he felt the other grabbing his arm to hold him back. Kunimi tried to escape Kuroo’s grip but the other was way stronger than him. 

“You’ve lost weight” he pointed out with a small voice. 

Kunimi stared at him... He couldn’t believe that it was the first thing Kuroo would’ve said. Of course, he had lost weight...between the depression, the medicines, their break-up… These last few months had been really tough for him.

The urge to run away overwhelmed the ravenette once more. 

He tried to free himself but Kuroo tightened his grasp. “Akira… Look at me, please” he begged the young man. 

The smaller male reluctantly looked up at the man in front of him. He looked at every features of his face; his aquiline nose, the perfect shape of his lips... How he missed him ! Trying to etch the man’s face into his memory, his eyes finally met Kuroo’s. But… What he read in them wasn’t exactly what he wanted to see. 

He was seeing the thing he hated the most on a face he adored more than anything. This look, the exact same look his coworkers threw him. 

_ He was pitying him. _

His cheeks flushed in anger. If he was here to take pity on him, he should just go, Kunimi wasn’t in the mood for that. “Why did you come?” he asked sharply. “Didn’t you say to me that you never wanted to see me again?”

At this words, Kuroo’s face darkened and was now filled with remorses. Kunimi almost immediately regretted his words but he had to do so and quickly... 

Comforting Kuroo wasn’t an option. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kuroo answered his question with another. “Why did you lie to me? Making me think that you had someone else in your life when that wasn’t even the case?”

_ So he knew, huh? _

Kunimi hoped that somehow Kuroo would still not to know about his current situation but someone had obviously told him. His mother maybe. Definitely. Even though he had clearly asked her not to tell anyone… As Kunimi stayed silent, Kuroo continued “Why did you push me away? I could’ve helped you all these months, when you were all by yourself.”

“Let’s discuss this matter inside” he simply replied. He didn’t like any form of confrontation especially not in a public place. 

Kunimi walked in and switched the light on. His apartment was exactly the same as it was when he had left this morning. Clean and impersonal. Most of the time, he was only here to sleep, hence why it was rather empty. The smaller male went to the kitchen, he didn’t really have anything to do but he wanted to give Kuroo the impression that he was really busy and also... that was a good way to avoid any unwanted eye contact. 

“So,” Kunimi started. 

He wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not with him. Not right now. But it couldn’t be helped now that Kuroo was inside his apartment, asking for an explanation. “My mother probably told you everything already so I will just answer your questions...I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to stay apart from that. From everything. I’m the only one concerned and I don’t want to meddle anyone with this.” he recited calmly as if it was someone else who was speaking these words.

“But now that you know, what will you do? Will you repeat the same words I’ve already heard hundreds of times?…. That it’s gonna be okay… That there is a way to solve this? No thanks... I don’t need false hopes.” Kunimi’s voice cracked as he uttered the last sentence.

No he didn’t need hope. There was only one outcome possible and it wasn’t a happy ending. As he tried to pour himself some water, the glass he was holding fell on the ground. 

_ Again _ . 

Kunimi let out a sigh and squatted down to pick the shards. He was tired of being this weak. 

When he was about to grab the first piece of glass, Kuroo put his hand on Kunimi’s to stop his tremors. Cupping Kunimi’s cheek with the other one, he forced the smaller male to look into his eyes. “When did it start?” he asked him with a soft voice, the softest he had ever heard coming out of Kuroo’s mouth. 

“6 months? I can’t really remember exactly but it’s worsening little by little” Kunimi mumbled while admiring this face he loved.

_ Wait  _

_ No _

He had to be resolute and determined yet the tone of his voice had already softened and he was overwhelmed by the desire to bury his face into Kuroo’s chest. 

“You should go now” he said coldly while removing Kuroo’s hand from his face, standing up again. “I want to be alone.”

“Akira… Please listen to me.” he begged him again. “There are solutions…”

“Don’t you understand that it’s better for us both if you leave?” Kunimi added using the same tone. “I can handle it all by myself.”

“Stop that Aki-”

“I already told you that I’m fine… No need to worry !” Kunimi cut him short, raising his voice. 

“Will you stop saying that you’re fine when you’re not ?!” Kuroo shouted suddenly. “You won’t feel better by staying like that : alone, sluggish and full of self-pity ! Where has the Akira I knew and loved gone? Let us help you GODDAMNIT !”   
  


That was too much... Kunimi, who didn’t like confrontation, had to say something. Kuroo didn’t know anything yet he was saying all these things. 

“You have no idea what I’ve been through yet you’re talking like you know everything .” Kunimi cried out. 

He didn’t know how it felt when your body suddenly stop obeying you, when you’re too tired to even get out of bed, when you’re constantly jealous of the people outside who are healthy and unaware of how lucky they are. 

He also never felt the guilt and pain that torment you when you have to break the heart of the person you cherish the most.   
  
He also didn’t know how hard it had been for Kunimi to continue on living, knowing that he would die soon. 

“And what do you mean by helping me?!” he added, unable to hold back his anger. “ What will you do when I’ll slowly start to lose my mind?… Forgetting everything, being unable to speak clearly, to do something as random as buttoning a shirt? What then? Tell me !” he asked cynically before answering “ Nothing ! I’ll just poison your life and the only thing you will want to do, will be to run away from me… as fast as possible !” 

Kunimi didn’t want to make Kuroo’s life unbearable, he didn’t want to see his disgusted eyes when he would be tired of taking care of him. As he was saying the last part, tears appeared in the corner of his eyes. 

“The Akira you loved is suffering from a fucking Parkinson’s and you can’t do anything about that!”    
  


_ Very good...everything was perfect...Good job Akira ! _

There was now a heavy silence weighing in the room. Turning his back to him, he added in a whisper “Just go back home and forget me.”    
  
_ Yes… Live a happy and long life. Meet someone else and be happy. _

As he was thinking these things, new tears formed and were now flowing down his cheeks like an unstoppable river. He really wanted the best for him, even though for now, he just wanted to be the only one in his arms, in his heart. 

The ravenette shuddered when he suddenly felt Kuroo’s warmth enveloping him. The taller male snuggled his head into Kunimi’s neck and said as softly as before “You know, I won’t leave you now that I’m here ! I will stay here and you’ll have to bear with me… Even when you’ll be like a grandpa looking for the glasses that are actually on his nose… Even when you’ll need someone to dress you up… Or simply to remind you that you’re not alone...I will be there...So please…” he added. “Stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders and let the people who want to help you in your life”

“Kuroo, you don’t understand.”

“It’s true that I wasn’t there when you were struggling with life all by yourself and I’m not in your shoes. But I understand two things. First : I do love you. Second : I don’t want to leave you ever again.”

These words were confusing to Kunimi. The ravenette has always thought that he would only be a pain for Kuroo. But what if.. What if that wasn’t the case? Kunimi was now struggling with his thoughts. He wanted to believe everything Kuroo had said was true but how could anyone want to live with someone who at some point, would be unable to go to the toilets by himself? Should he believe what the other was saying?

Kunimi turned around again, this time to face him. To hell with his puffy eyes… Kuroo wrapped his arms around him and Kunimi’s heart started to beat faster. How he missed this sensation of comfort, this scent!…Gazing at the other’s face, he tried to read through him. What was he thinking at this moment? Probably, that Kunimi looked dreadful. 

Tearing himself away from contemplating Kuroo’s face, he finally said “You know, I will only be a burden for you, you should lea- ”

Kuroo didn’t let him finish his sentence. The taller male leaned in and tilted his head slightly before sealing their lips together. Kunimi, who was taken aback, couldn’t process what was happening. He didn’t even think of closing his eyes. His mind was going blank, a first since the beginning of his disease, and a soft warmth spread within him. 

Unfortunately, Kuroo broke their kiss before Kunimi had time to enjoy it. Frowning, he said surprisingly serious “Don’t you ever say that again! If you do, I’ll make sure to be stuck by your side 24/7...I personally don’t care but I’m sure you’ll get tired of me really soon” he smirked at his last sentence before adding while caressing Kunimi’s cheek “you’ll never be a burden to me.”    
  
That being said, Kunimi’s last defences crumbled. Was it really okay to believe him? He had no idea. The only thing that mattered at this moment was Kuroo. The male in front of him, the only one able to make him smile brightly, the only with whom he could be himself, happy and alive.

Closing the gap between them, Kunimi cupped the other’s face and covered his mouth with his in a hungry kiss. He couldn’t stop the hot fire of desire that had settled in his stomach and he kissed him with a fervent and urgent need he had never known before. He had missed him so bad. He missed every part of his lover’s body and above all, he missed Kuroo telling him that he would always love him. 

The ravenette tentatively prodded Kuroo’s lips as the other opened his mouth with a soft moan. He felt one of the other’s hand running through his hair and the other on his neck as if he was making sure that Kunimi wouldn’t run away from him anymore. 

But the truth was that at this exact moment, Kunimi didn’t want to leave, he was kissing him like his life was depending on it, his heart was exploding and every square inch of his body was dissolving into Kuroo’s. Nothing mattered more than the man holding him. 

Kuroo pushed him backward and they both lay on the couch. The weight of the other’s body on top of him was extraordinary. As their body were pressed together, he could smell the familiar scent of his perfume, the exact same perfume, Kunimi bought him two years ago and also another scent that was just his. “I don’t want you to hate me” Kunimi managed to say between two kisses.    
  
Kuroo answered him by pulling him closer. His hands were everywhere on Kunimi and his mouth was covering the side of his neck with kisses. 

“That’s impossible” 


End file.
